Um.. hi? I know it’s been almost a year since the last time i posted (which also my first post). I’m sorry i can’t fulfill my promise to always update my blog with my life’s nonsense but.. seriously my life just getting busy and ugly lately, and i don’t have something positive to share with you, people. I don’t want to fill my blog with rants or hatred or bad thoughts about life because our life’s full with negativity already.
Okay, um, i won’t make any promises again, but i’m going to motivate myself more to write or draw again (jeez, it’s been YEARS! I haven’t draw anything since i graduated highschool).
Have you heard about the phrase above? I bet you have. Do you know what it means? It’s mostly described as a love to self but the thing is… have you love yourself? Well, I can’t answer it either 🙂
Self-love is a human common problem that most people have. First of all, i know i just said earlier that i don’t want to talk about something negative but this is a part of something i want to discuss. I haven’t love myself like i should, or i could say, i hate myself. I hate how big my hips are, i hate my pimple face, i hate how ugly i am when i put on good clothes (it always turns out ugly), i hate how i always can’t finish something i started, i hate that i am not intelligent, attractive or creative, why am i lazy and there are still so many things i hate about myself. I also wonder… how could some people have those things i don’t have? It is just unfair.
I don’t want to brag or something but i used to be skinny, attractive, very very positive ( i rarely had bad thoughts on things), you name it. I was a happy little girl with big dream and shitload of friends. But, this is life, slowly you’ll get it, your source of happiness will disappear one by one, you’ll hate life, you’ll hate you.
As i get older and (maybe) wiser, i realize that the thing i’ve been wanted can be earned only if you will fight for it. I realize that why i hate myself is because i didn’t take care of my own self, i didn’t discover the world more, and i kept myself in my own comfort zone. I will not improved i will not be who i always wanted to be if i choose to be what i am right now. How to love yourself? It started with you! How you create your mindset how you motivate yourself and how you take care of yourself.
You don’t have to be the person you’ve always wanted to be to love yourself. You need to stop thinking that everyone is living their perfect life and such things like that, you are living your life too and people have their own problems in their life and maybe harder than yours. I’ve been there too, I do still have my insecurities approaching me everyday. Things like that make people feel useless, and somehow… lifeless. It’s just sad how the lack of self-love or self-awareness can leads people to be suicidal. Wow, big word there. But I want you to know that whoever you are, you are beautiful, you are perfect with your own flaws.