Um.. hi? I know it’s been almost a year since the last time I posted (which also my first post). I’m sorry I can’t fulfill my promise to always update my blog with my life’s nonsense but.. seriously my life just getting busy and ugly lately, and I don’t have something positive to share with you, people. I don’t want to fill my blog with rants or hatred or bad thoughts about life because our life’s full with negativity already.

Okay, um, I won’t make any promises again, but I’m going to motivate myself more to write or draw again (jeez, it’s been YEARS! I haven’t draw anything since I graduated high school).



Have you heard the phrase above? I bet you have. Do you know what it means? It’s mostly described as a love to self but the thing is… have you love yourself? Well, I can’t answer it either 🙂

Self-love is a human common problem that most people have. First of all, I know I just said earlier that I don’t want to talk about something negative but this is a part of something I want to discuss. I haven’t love myself like I should, or I could say, i hate myself. I hate how big my hips are, I hate my pimple face, I hate how ugly I am when I put on good clothes (it always turns out ugly), I hate how I always can’t finish something  I started, I hate that I am not intelligent, attractive or creative, how lazy I am and there are still so many things I hate about myself. I also wonder… how could some people have those things i don’t have? It is just unfair.

I don’t want to brag or something but i used to be skinny, attractive, very very positive ( i rarely had bad thoughts on things), you name it. I was a happy little girl with big dream and shitload of friends. But, this is life, slowly you’ll get it, your source of happiness will disappear one by one, you’ll hate life, you’ll hate you.

As i get older and (maybe) wiser, i realize that the thing i’ve been wanted can be earned only if you will fight for it. I realize that why i hate myself is because i didn’t take care of my own self, i didn’t discover the world more, and i kept myself in my own comfort zone. I will never be better, I will not be who I always wanted to be if I choose to be what I am right now. How to love yourself? It started with you. It sounds cheesy but oh well, that’s the truth. How you create your mindset how you motivate yourself and how you take care of yourself.

You don’t have to be the person you’ve always wanted to be to love yourself. You need to stop thinking that everyone is living their perfect life and such things like that, you are living your life too and people have their own problems in their life and maybe harder than yours. I’ve been there too, I do still have my insecurities approaching me every day. Things like that make people feel useless, and somehow… lifeless. It’s just sad how the lack of self-love or self-awareness can lead people to be suicidal. Wow, big word there. But I want you to know that whoever you are, you are beautiful, you are perfect with your own flaws.



Last november my mom asked me to visit baduy for 2 days and 1 night only, i was surprised because baduy is an isolated village and i didn’t even know back then that we — as a tourist — could visit baduy and even spend our night there. Well, as an Indonesian i know what baduy is; it’s one of thousands traditional ethnics in Indonesia and i have never seen or expect anything about baduy before.

It takes place at Banten, near Rangkasbitung and Baduy itself surrounded by forest and have no electricity or even signals. Baduy has two different groups; Baduy Luar  (lives closer to the outside world, wear mostly black clothes, they sometime use some modern technology, and have no limit to have contact to the outside world) and the other one is Baduy Dalam (lives far from the city/the outside world, wear their traditional clothes mostly in white and sometime they wear black also, quieter than Baduy Luar and has limited contact with the outside world).

Me, as a city person, i can’t even imagine my life without those two essentials; electricity and signals. i also rarely climb or hike on my daily basis (of course! i usually take bus or gojek to go anywhere and there are no hills in Jakarta, right?) even for fun or excercise only (i’m a total lazy *ss) and to get there — Baduy Luar — we have to walk into the forest and we mostly hike there and we took 1,5 hours to get there. It was very exhausting but well, it was all worth the pain and sweat because when i finally arrived there, i can feel the fresh-cold-water, the cool breeze, the warmth of the locals and of course, silence. By the way i stayed at one of local’s houses in the 3rd outer village of Baduy Luar with 4 other people (including my mom).

My trip there was very unexpectedly exciting, i thought i would be ‘dead’ considering there were no electricity and signals BUT the locals there were very welcoming and kind and very open to us and we talked a lot about their life in baduy like what do they eat, what are their activities, what do they believe in, and so on.

The experience and satisfication you’ll get there is peace. Seriously, i’m not being cliche but you’ll get some peace there, silence and spiritual satisfication. if you’re tired of your life or if you want to just get away from work or things you don’t want to deal with for awhile, just visit Baduy. Feel yourself here, socialize with some locals, experience new things, hike, and find peace.

“… foreigners are not allowed to enter Baduy Dalam. I think if you are from a South East Asian country then you can probably visit, but if you are Caucasian you will not be allowed into the villages of Baduy Dalam.”

yes, Baduy Dalam is a very isolated village, you can’t even take out your phone, camera or any other electronic devices and locals said that only some people are allowed to reach Baduy Dalam and fortunately i got the chance to visit Baduy Dalam. And what ‘allowed’ mean is that whoever got arrived there, then, it’s a blessing. Because the track to get to Baduy Dalam is very hard and rough and i honestly nearly collapse.

I think that’s all for my Baduy experience, i also added a film i made about Baduy and i know it’s only an amateur work, but please just watch and tell me what you think (i need some critics and advice by the way).